Exactly

HappyHappyHappyHappyHappyHappy

Welcome to the new week!! I know weeks actually start on Sunday, but, don't we really count Monday as the beginning? I know I do!

It's been quite a day already. So many of the deep thoughts of late culminated over the weekend, thanks to an epiphany or two during yesterday's run. And, this morning, everything felt almost new ...

When I started running, it was a challenge like none other I'd taken on physically. And, while it felt huge (Me? Running ?!), I knew it was doable if I could tap in to the core of what makes me up. I knew I had it in me, but some very specific life trials zapped my energy and clouded my confidence over time replacing it with reacting to the immediate, living urgently and scrambling to put pieces together where there were pieces missing. I had gone in to a perpetual problem-solving mode that did nothing more than define my life as problematic. And, I hated that.

The better part of my life has been a dichotomy between unsolvable problems (hence the problem-solving mode that felt too natural to be, well, natural) and a robust, happy world full of good. Only by the grace of God was I able to see the good alongside the negative. I never lost sight of the good, but it has been a life-long struggle to keep the craze at bay so as not to let it override the good. That's the kind of push-pull that can drive a girl to drink. If I weren't so cheap, I might have done just that.

I knew I needed to tap back into the successful, life-loving core of strategies I know myself to possess if I was to live the rich, full life I intended. And, dammit, I intended!! I had those strategies on full-throttle for a nice block of time. I knew what they looked and felt like. Better yet, I knew the results they produced, and I was determined to find and unleash them again! Little did I know lacing up and heading out would start me on my way to find me again.

"It's kind of like when you found me, mommy. You didn't see
me coming, but we were meant to be. *SLURP!* "

It turns out my running has been my inner core unfolding, little by little, providing a path on which I can re-pattern and reframe the rest of my life. Most notably, running has stripped me down to the most raw, most honest representation of myself where I've had to own every, single step for exactly what each is, good or bad. And, I've loved every minute, good or bad, because it's exactly me where I am at that point on that day. I'm not a fan of drama (understatement of the century), hiding nor exaggerating. So, I have been able to take a close look as to why any run was good or bad (or, not and just carry on; that works, too). And, the more honest I am with myself, the better I feel. There's nowhere to hide anyway. And, I don't want to. Hiding is the worst. Trying to hide mountains is insane.

Through this running gig, I have felt so much more like me again because I decide what's right and wrong for me. I accept (and love!) cheers, but I solicit no input. Running is a nice, quiet place in my soul where I can remember and see who I am.

Running came to me at a time where there were a handful of external, problematic mountains in front of me. What a crazy time to take on something I'd never accomplished and had, actually, let defeat me a number of times previously, right? Over the years, while running has allowed me to see exactly me again, that has also translated into allowing me to see what's in front of me for exactly what it is. No scrambling. No justifying. No hoping. Just real. I can now identify some of those problematic mountains as insurmountable, and I have let them go. Other mountains have been whittled to the hills they should have been in the first place. In both cases, I've released myself from putting back together pieces I didn't break in the first place -- not because I've run away from them, but because I ran directly at them.

Never did I dream I needed to run. It's a good thing to need.

Start your week off exactly the way you need, and I'll check in after the morning run ...