All In

There's a saying out there that tends to make my skin crawl. I'm beginning to realize it's because of how I've heard it used. It's this one: "I'm either all in or all out."

For the most part when I hear this, my visceral response is: Bite me.

I guess it's really a matter of perspective -- how it's said, how it's meant or how it's used. For instance, I cannot stand when the statement is made with an implication of someone pumping him or herself up in comparison to others ... as though the others weren't also "all in". But, I can blow off someone else's ego. Turn this sentiment on its head, though, and I really can't stand another implication -- the one where it is used as an excuse to not do something. "I'm not going to win/be fast/beat my time/beat your time/look good/be very good/etc., so I'm not going to try (but, I am going to complain about not being able to do it later)."

picture source ... A fabulous pic at that.

As Charlie Brown would say, "Argh!!" which he would follow with an, "I just can't stand it." Trust me. He says these things.

Okay, did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Am I just in a bad mood and didn't really realize it until I sat down to write?

This thought was sparked after reading a blog entry on Fit Butt Fabulous (you can read the piece here). The author was expressing how she felt about those who just up and run a marathon without training. She writes about how they have missed the point of the process; they missed out on everything that went into getting to the starting line and focused on a single morning (if they focused at all).

Given the way I run, I totally got her point. Those last hours to cross a Half finish line for me are icing on the cake of an entire (dare I use the word? ) journey (ugh ... I used it ... thanks to The Bachelor/ette series for forever ruining that word). I recently noted in my writing that if you want to understand my life, just watch me run. It speaks volumes.

I was thinking about my running and my experiences and realized that I am, without a doubt, "all in." I don't feel like I miss a thing about it. Perhaps I miss the feeling of crossing the finish line in first place (which isn't going to happen), but I don't miss the feeling of leaving it all on the route and crossing the line with such a look that the volunteer aide person finds it necessary to make sure I'm not about to drop dead (GO! St. Louis April 2013, anyone?). I've certainly missed award ceremonies that have started while I'm still out on courses, but I've not missed much by way of scenery, coins or signs. And, the training runs? Okay, some of those I just want to blow through, but even during those, I always find something that made it worthwhile in a picture way bigger than having gone for a run.

I don't understand a world that's just about checking off a duty and moving on. It's not about thinking about what's coming so you miss what's in front of you. It's not about a laundry list of tasks. To me, it's about the parts that make up the whole. Even better, it's about those parts you can't describe to someone else. That's how I choose to experience the world. That's my idea of being all in.

By the way, I just registered for April's Half. It's exciting every time I do so!! Wait ... that's a lie ... it struck fear in my heart when I registered for my first one. It's been exciting ever since! Anyway, I've certainly been thinking about that run for quite some time. But, I've also been thinking about the Expo. And the friends I'll get to see when I'm there. And Pit Crew #2 wanting to do my nails to go with the shirts we'll get. And the shirts we'll get. And ...

Yeah, I'll be all in at that run. I already can't wait!

I can wait for tomorrow's run, though -- um, late heat wave, anyone? Bleh. I'll see you after, though ... having been all in and potentially all spent!