What I Know

When I was out on my long run Saturday, I stumbled upon a sentiment in my head that I haven't really felt in a long time. And, when I feel it now, it's very different from when I was first introduced.

Let me explain.

Right after I decided to take my walking water break (which was fabulous!), I looked across the street and saw a man jogging in the opposite direction. He was minding his own business, and I really thought nothing of him nor of his pursuit. We exchanged glances. I smiled, he nodded, we carried on.

"Take it from me, mommy ... you rock
because I trained you. As you'd say,
Just Sayin'. But, I say it with a sloppy
lick. *sluurrrrrp!!*"

But, in the very back of my mind, I heard, "He knowwwwwwws." It was my evil-on-the-shoulder voice. "He knowwwwwwws." And, I immediately giggled. Because I knew exactly what that meant and where it came from.

You see, there was a time not too terribly long ago, that that moment ... that very moment where someone else who was running caught me walking *gasp!* ... would have been a huge blow to my confidence. I would have assumed the worst for sure:

He knows I can't do it.
He thinks I am a total wuss for taking a water break.
He wouldn't believe me if I told him I've already run 5 miles.
And, if he believed me, he'd laugh at how long it took.
He has no idea why I'm even bothering.
He's clearly older than I am, and he's doing better.
This. Totally. Sucks.


Mmmm ... sooo goooooood ...

Fast forward three summers, and here's what I thought when I saw the man: "Dude, good for you. Man, this water rules."

And, here's what he probably thought of me: "    " . If that. Yeah, that's blank in there. You read it correctly. Either that, or he thought: " Crap, I wish I had some water, too, it's hot!"

How'd I get from pummeling myself to just not giving a whip?

Step One: I set a goal that I wanted for myself with nothing to prove to anyone else.
Step Two: I promised myself that I would be nice to myself and supportive of my own efforts.
Step Three: I kept going my way in my time. Even when I didn't feel like it. I committed to it.
Step Four: I opened up about my goal to people who supported me.
Step Five: I did not discuss my pursuit to those with their own ideas of what I should do and how I should do it.
Step Six: I kept my head up, smiled and waved to anyone who passed me on foot. Why not?
Step Seven: I Just Kept Going.


Moments after crossing
that first Half finish
line. Outta my way!
I can do anything!

My confidence was both high and shaky during my first go at training for a Half. On most days, it was pretty good, but I still fought a little of the "Can I really do this?" jitters.

And, then, I crossed the finish line. And, I knew nothing could get in my way. Nothing could stop me. Not even myself.

So, now when I see people and just know that they know, I don't go to the negative. What I assume they think is:

Oh, there's someone running.
Looks like she got up early.
She looks thirsty.
Good for her because it's hot/humid/cold out there.

If they're even thinking any of that.

Is someone out there being critical? Probably. But, so what. They're on their way down the road to do their thing, and I'm doing mine. It doesn't really matter what they think or know. Because I know what I know. And, nothing can take that away.