What Goes Up Must Come Down ... Or, So They Say

If there's one thing that can be said about me, I do believe it's that I'm honest. To that end, I find it critically important that I am honest today, and that honesty comes in the form of a lingering bit of self doubt. (Who doesn't love going through that?!)

It's like this: You know I'm pondering entering another Half Marathon at the end of May. Originally, I didn't register because I wanted to see how I felt after this last one. I've never considered whether I'd truly be physically ready to do that all over again inside of two months. And, as you know, I have no desire to hurt myself. So, I've been giving myself the necessary time to find out how I feel. In other words, the original thoughts were very logical and reasonable, and I put them on the back burner to emerge when appropriate.

Well, here we are post-Half, and the thoughts of the upcoming one are forefront because I do need to make a decision pretty soon. At first, I took the logical route and simply told myself to take at least one long run, if not two, and decide what to do based on how I feel physically. This decision should not be made emotionally.

See? Emotional. That's me and my running
partner after my first 10K. I was almost in
tears of disbelief that I'd done it.

But, just like starting running in the first place, that's what's getting in the way. The emotions. And, I'm an emotional gal. And, just like when I first started out, it's not always positive. Even though I've been *very* up post-Half (and, there is no reason I shouldn't be), I've found myself grumbling.


My biggest hangup? Reading too much. Reading too much about what other people are doing. Reading too much about others' goals and accomplishments that don't even apply to my life but feeling like they somehow should. Hearing those "tapes in my head" (which should be long gone seeing as we're in a digital world ... just sayin' ...) from those who don't understand why anyone would enter a run "just" to run because if you're going to enter, you should do so to win or improve your time or, or, or ... but it seems it's hardly ever to "just run".

First official run. First goal: Finish.

Just finish. That, my friends, is a very

sustainable goal! And, I like it.

And, you know what's most ridiculous about what is going through my head? Not one ... not one ... of those voices or philosophies or plans come from myself or from anyone whose opinion I would ask. I'm just surfing the web and reading. These are strangers who appear to have a lot more time invested and available to put into this effort. I could be wrong, and what others do with their time makes no difference to me. At the very least, there truly is definitely a difference in running priorities (my "just finish" and another's must-always-have-a-personal-best outcome are very, very different).

I managed to allow myself to get sucked in for a bit to where I was comparing myself to someone else when that comparison was the ol' apple-to-an-orange issue (I'll be the orange; they're yummier). For as positive and very up as I've been since crossing my first Half finish line in 2010, I have to admit that even I sometimes get sucked in to the negative spiral of realizing I'm not going to do what "they" are doing, so I must not be as good/why am I doing this blah blah blah ...

Yup, even I get sucked in.

What is this jibber jabber about speed?
Let's just go, mommy! Works for me!

Fortunately, I have learned over the years how to get out of it. Quickly. To do that, I simply compare myself with myself. Sounds weird, I know, but it works. I think about where I started. I fully embrace what I used to not be able to do. I think about every little goal I made along the way, and I remember what it took to reach them. I think about whose support I've sought and how I've filtered unsolicited opinions. I look at Elly and her approving eyes as she hopes for a run, fast or slow, long or short. It's her pace that originally trained me, after all. So, I remember my roots.

I remind myself that each and every run is between me and me. I thank God for the strength of mind, body and character to keep on keepin' on when I don't feel like it. And, I give thanks to those who support my goals with no questions asked. Let's start with the Pit Crew and go from there into a circle of fabulous friends.



We, the Pit Crew, believe in you. And,

as a reward, we get things like beef

sticks at your Expos. Win. Win.

These are the tapes I run through my head most of the time. And, when I lose sight of them, I take a minute and reflect. And, it works. That reflection often comes in the form of a nice, quiet run. All by myself.

Will I register for May's run? I still have to take that long run next week and see how I feel. That makes sense. It also makes sense in my world to grumble about the fact that the shirt for the event is black. (Really? Black? That's a good reason to blow off a run as far as I'm concerned. (ha!) ) But, not entering because I've decided I'm not good enough? 
That's just crazy talk.

I've now spent my time in Bummerville, and now I'm out. It was a short visit as I've learned the long ones are a huge waste of time. Run toward what intimidates you because you're running into it with (hopefully!) your biggest fan. Yourself! You can get yourself in, and you can get yourself out, and everyone else's goals, expectations and thoughts will be put where they belong (which is not on you). I just hope your shirt prize is more fabulous than black. (Black? Really?! *sigh!* Yeah, I'm still on that. But, I do love that that is becoming my biggest running problem!)